1. A Cupbearer is a Brother (or Sister) in Arms

In my first post What is a Cupbearer? I noted that the Cupbearer wears many hats for he/she serves as…

• A Brother or Sister in Arms
• A Confidential sounding-board 
• A Spiritual Director 
• A Ministry Coach 
• A Theological Investigator 
• A Missional Incubator & Mid-wife

I will discuss these various roles in a series of posts starting with the first one—A Brother or Sister in Arms.

We all want to be heard and understood. Very few truly want to be alone and if they do it is likely the result of the failure of others to hear and understand. Pastors are no different. We need someone who isn’t going to posture, compare, or judge us based on “those numbers” that pastors are asked about. Have you noticed that our culture is fixated on metrics that are primarily economic (e.g., attendance, giving, conversions, etc.) rather than relational? At pastors' conferences, it is usually the second or third question that comes up in conversations when meeting other pastors. While I confess to being a bit of a stat geek when it comes to baseball I think that statistics in ministry fail to bring us together and tend to put our focus on the wrong things. 

Pastors don’t need someone to dismiss them for the size of the church they serve—whether too big or too small. What pastors need is someone with whom they can honestly and safely share…

• Their theological ideas and passions and be encouraged.
• Their ministry doubts and concerns and be heard and understood.
• Their spiritual struggles as a pastor (Where do they sense a spiritual attack? Where have they experienced victory? Where is there a sense of shalom?) and to be personally, and steadfastly, supported in prayer and discernment.

Before we need a Spiritual Director or a Ministry Coach (which are also elements of the Cupbearer role), we need a brother or sister-in-arms. Jesus didn’t send his disciples out to minister alone, so why do we? Pastors need to know that they are not alone. It is too often a solitary calling as a result of our undo emphasis on individualism instead of a collective family of God approach. We also need to feel that we have been heard and understood, yet without being coddled. Only a comrade in arms can fill this challenging role.  

As pastors, we are not merely doing a job. Sometimes we wish ministry was just a job like painting a house or selling widgets, but we are actually waging war in the spiritual realm. Sometimes we can approach the ministry as a task to perform, a goal to reach, only in the natural sense…and as a result, we grow gradually drier and more brittle and our people suffer for it. Do we crave the refreshing water of the Spirit?

War takes its toll on relationships. So why do we think we can do it alone? The psalmist writes,

Look to the right and see:
    there is none who takes notice of me;
no refuge remains to me;
    no one cares for my soul. (142:4)

Such a lack of care by others for our soul can be keenly felt by many serving in ministry. Others seem to boldly carry on as though they needed no one to lean on. However, it doesn’t seem likely that we are less needful of brothers in arms than Jesus. Perhaps we have merely become numbed to our needs or think that asking for help is a sign of weakness—it isn’t. Jesus asked, and so did Paul.

Jesus in Gethsemane,

“And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” (Matthew 26:37-38)

Paul wrote to Timothy,

Do your best to come to me soon. For Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia. Luke alone is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry. Tychicus I have sent to Ephesus. When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, also the books, and above all the parchments. (2 Timothy 4:9-13)

In the Old Testament, one passage that stands out to me in this regard is that of Jonathan and his armor-bearer in 1 Samuel 14 when they scaled a cliff to attack a Philistine garrison. Their joint action of attacking brought victory. It threw the enemy into a panic to such a degree that the Philistines began to attack each other. Are we in any less of a battle than they were? No. We do not fight with the weapons of the world (2 Cor. 3-5) for our true fight is not against people but against the spiritual powers of oppression, injustice, and wickedness (Eph. 6:12). It is for this reason that we must put on the “whole armor of God” which is not really the work of an individual, but of disciples in relationships supporting each other in prayer.

Do we have someone with whom we can stand against the enemy, whether we fight to defend something as unremarkable as a plot of lentils or a field of barley (2 Sam. 23:11-12; 1 Chr. 11:12-14), or something more noticeable like rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem against attack,

When our enemies heard that it was known to us and that God had frustrated their plan, we all returned to the wall, each to his work. From that day on, half of my servants worked on construction, and half held the spears, shields, bows, and coats of mail. And the leaders stood behind the whole house of Judah, who were building on the wall. Those who carried burdens were loaded in such a way that each labored on the work with one hand and held his weapon with the other. And each of the builders had his sword strapped at his side while he built. The man who sounded the trumpet was beside me. And I said to the nobles and to the officials and to the rest of the people, “The work is great and widely spread, and we are separated on the wall, far from one another. In the place where you hear the sound of the trumpet, rally to us there. Our God will fight for us.” (Neh. 4:15-20).

How often do we fall into temptation, discouragement, or simple ineffectiveness, because we don’t have a brother in arms to carry our armor for us when we are weak and to make sure we still strap it on when we are strong? Who watches for us while we work? Who comes to our aid in our time of need?

A Cupbearer in this model is many things, but it is first A Brother or Sister in Arms who allows their own life and ministry to be interrupted for the spiritual safety of another.